You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
