Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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