college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
