I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
