currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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