Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just shotgunned beers for America
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
