wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize