Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
