Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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