last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
zippers are such a cool invention
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All the doctor said was why
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
