in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
