You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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