That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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