Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
