I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
