Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize