I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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