i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize