he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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