What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
