Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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