She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize