Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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