you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
