Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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