where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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