Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
