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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At least life still wants to fuck me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize