I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
