I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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