i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
