i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
