last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
