So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
