went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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