my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
