Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
