I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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