my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
love makes seman taste better
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
