I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
