Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
