I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
