Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
