So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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