Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
