Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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