wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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