lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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