I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
