fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
