M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize