Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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