was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize