She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
