I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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