This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
