It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
