Your dad touched me again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
