The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
