Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
