I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
of course. lets lasso hookers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
