she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
