Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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