I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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