My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
