How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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