just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
