What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
