Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
