4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's the barista slut.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
