she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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