If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
