The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
