I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
