One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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