we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
