Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
