All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
