I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
